APPRECIATION IS FUCKING SEXY

Advice, Anecdotal , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Originally published on my sfw blog

 

Couples are so mean to each other and then wonder why their sex life is either lacking, or nonexistent.

If my partner spends all of our time together calling me a lazy bitch, or a shitty cook, or a terrible wife (but, haha, just playing, right?) I’m either going to start believing he may be on to something and end up with growing insecurities-which is the opposite of what a relationship should be-OR, I’m going to have zero respect for someone who always has a jab waiting for me.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m not fucking someone I don’t respect. Nor am I going to go out of my way to make any efforts to be sexy for someone who wouldn’t appreciate all that goes into the waxing, the plucking, the shaving, the exfoliating, the polishing, etc. You know there’s alot to it! (If that is your thing)

It’s actually a pretty awesome cycle if you really care about improving your sex life, or even maintaining a fucking awesome one.

In my experience, the more my partner notices and appreciates the sexy stuff I do, the sexier I feel and the more I want to do the sexy stuff. It’s that simple!

I know it isn’t simple. ReallyWe’ve been together for years so it seems pretty seamless now, but it took alot of work for both of us to learn how to really appreciate and be appreciated. There were alot of times in the beginning when I would meekly walk out of the bedroom all decked out in new lingerie feeling insanely self-conscious! I’d worry he’d laugh at me, mock me for getting so dolled up, or just not care either way. (A pretty intense fear of rejection, eh?)

He definitely did none of those things. Nor has he ever. Instead, every single time I slip into something sexy, he notices. Not only does he notice, but he always lets me know how much he appreciates me. It has done wonders for my confidence in the bedroom and in all the sexy activities.

*bonus* it spills out into the rest of my life, too!

I know, now, while I am getting ready that he is going to enjoy me dressing up, or trying new things, or whatever, and it’s a pretty big turn on for me. I end up getting aroused just shaving my legs sometimes, fantasizing about the delicious directions the night could go.

It’s kind of our all-day foreplay. Our days are hectic as fuck most days with a toddler and a teenager, both requiring a ridiculous amount of attention, and you know, jobs and shit, so it’s important for us to take advantage of what time we can spend together.

A simple sexy text can sometimes keep my head in some pretty positive sexy places, where as if we were one of those couples who live by the idea that Eh, she knows I love her, I shouldn’t have to work so hard, sex would be the furthest thing from my mind some days!

I know a lot of people who couldn’t care less about sex with their partners.

A lot.

I think if they were at least a little nicer to each other, it would be a tremendous start.

I don’t expect anyone to want to couple the way we do. It’s not for everyone. Every dynamic is different and as long as you are both on the same page, do you. We dig the romantic shit and are best friends. We don’t disrespect each other on purpose, not even for a laugh. We take time to talk about our feelings, and we really listen to each other and at least try to understand where the other is coming from, which granted, isn’t always easy or even possible sometimes. We practice empathy every single day.

The next time you find yourself about to tease your partner for burning dinner, or making a mistake, consider this as an alternative:

Tell them their ass looks great today, let your partner know a time that they were on your mind, or about a recent sexy dream you had about them, something encouraging, complimentary and sexy!

Just try it, and I would be willing to bet if you can make it a habit, then your sex life and relationship will instantly improve. You know, if you’re into that kind of thing. 😉

We would love to hear your thoughts!