We don’t do magic when we are sick

Anecdotal, bdsm , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This morning I was reading Kisungura’s newest blog post while I was sitting in my car waiting on my therapy appointment. She wrote:

It’s also, however, about lack of opportunity for the same level of connection since we’ve been home and I’m feeling that return to normality keenly.

I could almost hear a bell ring. Of course. A lack of opportunity for the same level of connection. My fiance and I have been in a 24/7 D/s relationship for more than six years and I still struggle to see when I am experiencing sub-drop or a similar flavor of withdrawal.

We had been especially hot and heavy, dirty, kinky and fun a couple weeks ago, and then our entire household, one by one, got sick and then passed it around a couple times. I am a grown woman, I am aware that things can’t always be face-fucking, pegging and elaborate foot fetish shoots. But I am only human, and sometimes that drop is a little harsher than others.

In our home we often refer to the death of a thousand cuts. Murphy’s law, bad luck, evil dead curses, whatever you call it, sometimes shit just lines up fucking poorly and continues to do so. Between skipping therapy due to the holiday, missing Church due to illness, and my partner is slammed at work right now, it is hard to adjust to the sudden lack of filthy closeness that had been boiling over for weeks before.

When you are depressed, it gets hard to know what feelings are accurate. Depression kind of lays a general blanket feeling of everything fucking sucks and it will never get any better. I am getting better at challenging the everything sucks part. Often I am able to ask myself what specifically sucks so bad right now, and not have a valid answer. It makes it easier for me to crawl out of the valley.

Sometimes.

Other times, like this week, it takes me a little bit longer to realize I am not slipping into depression, I am just experiencing a bit of a drop while also not feeling well.

That makes me feel a bit better about all of it. The drops are always temporary and we have a lot of sexy fun ahead of us.

Plus, tonight is Date Night, so it certainly has delicious potential.

 

2 thoughts on “We don’t do magic when we are sick

  1. Thank you so much for linking my post Nikki and, as always, I can completely relate. I often wonder if I see or think things through the veil of CPTSD or if I’d be totally seeing/thinking those things anyway! Sending guessing is trickle but I think figuring it out is a positive skill. I hope you had an awesome Date Night and all feel better very soon xx

  2. Thank you so much for linking my post Nikki and, as always, I can completely relate. I often wonder if I see or think things through the veil of CPTSD or if I’d be totally seeing/thinking those things anyway! Sending guessing is trickle but I think figuring it out is a positive skill. I hope you had an awesome Date Night and all feel better very soon xx

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