The ocean takes me in to watch you shake it
Watch you wave your powers
Tempt with hours of pleasure
Take me one more time
Take me one more wave
Take me for one last ride
I’m out of my head

“Sextape” by Deftones

Tonight will be our 7th New Year’s Eve celebration as a 24/7 D/s couple. In celebration we’re throwing a party that you’re not invited to (though we’ll be sharing our sexy adventures online).

But, before the festivities comes the anticipation.

I’m having coffee, as I’m writing this, and the winter rain is pleasantly beating at our windows. Meanwhile, my beloved sub is hard at work editing pornographic images of herself.

It’s not even time for breakfast yet.

In the early stages of our relationship, before our D/s dynamic became our full-time lifestyle, I’d find myself nearly overcome with nervous energy before a scene.

My trepidation wasn’t because of my inexperience, or over fear I’d hurt my submissive. I’m an insatiable researcher with an obsession for safety that borders on self-parody – I’m always worried about keeping her free from harm.

No, my anxiety was triggered by a sudden lack of white noise in my head. The moment the scene became real, in my mind, a switch flipped in my brain.

It was as though a sound I didn’t even know I’d been hearing all the time went silent. And I couldn’t quite figure out what had changed.

I spent years fighting to control that strangeness before I realized it was the calm that comes from knowing you’re about to get exactly what you want.

Some folks call this “Dom-space.” It’s a state of mind where the super ego, id, and ego are all on the same page.

It’s important to recognize success and give the accompanying feelings space to exist, if fantasy-fulfillment is an important part of your relationship dynamic.

That’s what New Year’s Eve is for us: a celebration of all the work we put into our D/s relationship all year.

Willy Wonka, the fictional confectioner, best drove the point home when he said, “But Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.”

What happened?

“He lived happily ever after.”

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