It’s no secret that I am a masochist. I try to be open about it, as it is something I enjoy exploring. I’m also a shameless exhibitionist, so it’s just another delicious layer of excitement.

Sometimes my masochism is less about physical sensations and more about emotional vulnerability. I struggle a great deal with my self-image. It’s improved greatly this past year and I credit much of that to my photo project on Twitter, but it’s really quite shaky some days. On those days, when I feel like wrapping up in a filthy, comfortable robe and wallowing in my self-loathing, I instead put on something revealing that has made me feel sexy and desirable in the past.

There’s something very different about putting on lingerie when you feel sexy versus when you do not. Pulling on my fishnets and adjusting my cleavage feels raw, exposed, vulnerable, and uncomfortable when I feel shitty about my general being. It makes me face myself in a way that I would rather not in that moment. That uncomfortableness feeds my masochism, and in turn, often helps me get back to a sexy, more confident frame of mind.

The lovely Violet’s Lingerie is for Everyone is so beneficial for me since I know I have to, at least once a week, put on some lingerie and show off. Thankfully most days I dress in something sexy, but it’s nice to have that motivation when I need it. And for that, I want to thank Violet!

2 Replies to “Lingerie is for… vulnerability”

  1. I am sorry you struggle with your self image, confidence issues and other emotions which undermine. Your pictures always look strong, sexy and seem to tell a story of allure, so what if you’fake it til you make it’? I think it’s great that you join in with this meme, whether you feel it or not.

    This picture, with your fishnets and the stocking top and your sexy glasses is certainly projecting a sexy, lascivious voluptuous persona. Thanks for sharing – I love it!

  2. I’m so sorry such thoughts creep up for you sometimes and I relate to the desire to withdraw – but you are so happy when you’re out and expressing yourself! You have a talent for self portraiture, Nikki, and you make a beautiful and fascinating subject. Keep being you – we love you!

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