It is no secret that safely participating in BDSM and kink can be helpful in relieving symptoms of depression, anxiety and a plethora of mental health issues. You don’t have to look too far to read how kink has improved someone’s life. (like here, and here, oh and here) During yesterday’s #fetchat I was having an exchange with Raoul about how kink and D/s help improve our general interactions with other people. My opinion on that is that it is partly due to the increased knowledge and understanding of communication. Learning how to better communicate is a game-changer. There is a reason people make millions of dollars every year teaching others to communicate. It is important and doesn’t always come naturally.
I really think it affects how we interact with others (in a good way, unless you're a dick …), and we've met sooooo many really good people through it. Artists, circus people, physicists, the weird, the brilliant. Also a fair cross section of those best avoided, but that's life
— A Queerer Journey (@RaoulDuke223) January 9, 2019
After the chat, I was able to reflect on what specific kinks helped which of my specific issues. It was quite the delicious thought exercise. The first that came to mind was the most obvious, since I was currently utilizing it at the time. Standing in line at the store in a skirt and no panties. I have some pretty gnarly social anxiety, mostly a symptom of just regular ol’ anxiety, PTSD and depression. It is rarely enjoyable for me to be out in public, least of all by myself. I realized that I felt the same way about my lack of panties in public like I imagine a superhero feels about their cape. It makes me feel empowered, brave, liberated and sexy. Like I have a secret, as if I have it figured out. I feel more confident and certainly not generally inferior like I often do. It might sound silly to others, but it genuinely makes me feel better about being out in public.
Another one that stands out prominently is our impact play. Church, more specifically. We do Church differently, if you hadn’t seen yet. Every Saturday night, we enjoy each other in a sexy, intimate ritual that almost always concludes with an intense impact play session. That impact session does more to quiet my head, make me feel loved, make me feel strong and capable, ease my anxiety and shame and make me feel more confident and aroused than anything has ever done before. It works as a mindful meditation of sorts. Anxiety often keeps my head in a constant state of static self-loathing and fear. During an impact session is sometimes the only relief I can get from that. It usually keeps me in a healthier state of mind for days after, or at least eases some of the residual, physiological symptoms.
The last one I want to mention here is my submission in general. Being a sub has been helping me learn the concept of trust. Never in my life had I even dreamed of wanting to trust anyone enough to ever have any control over me or my actions. In fact, I had such a chip on my shoulder that if a partner told me they didn’t want me to get a haircut, I would pixie that shit. It wasn’t until the first time I really let go with my partner during a scene and felt the shift of a wall that I never knew could change. I assumed I was just a cold bitch, really. Through years of neglect, then a decade or so of gaslighting, somewhere along the way I started to believe that I was just difficult and broken and no one could be trusted anyway, so who cared? Totally unaware that I was just depressed, anxious and dealing with unresolved trauma. Stopping my incessant inner dialogue, who is a real cunt mostly, for that second changed my entire perspective on who I was and who I wanted to be. Years later, I have began therapy along side of my submission and it has gotten even easier for me to trust that my partner has my best interest at heart, always. That’s a huge step for me.
What are some of the ways kink improves or helps you manage other areas of your life?
Nikki is a photographer, writer, and general creator of things. She writes about mental health, sex, and relationships.