I beg to serve, your wish is my law
Now close those eyes and let me love you to death
Shall I prove I mean what I’m saying, begging?
“Love You To Death” by Type O Negative
Making the decision to transition into a 24/7 D/s relationship is the easy part. It’s like buying a gym membership: it feels great, but you really haven’t accomplished anything yet.
Hopefully you’ve read part one, and you’re at least a little prepared for the work and sacrifice you’ll be undertaking once you’re involved in a non-stop TPE relationship.
Let’s take this opportunity to talk about what a 24/7 D/s relationship actually looks like. Because, unless you’re independently wealthy, chances are your dynamic won’t appear anything like the ones you’ve read about in fiction or seen in movies.
In fact, most depictions of D/s relationships (that are actually presented as such) are just mentally ill kinky people in unhealthy co-dependent relationships.
That’s why I suggest figuring out how your dynamic works as a 24/7 D/s relationship when viewed through a family-friendly filter.
It’s easy to understand how being a Dominant or submissive works during impact play sessions. But, how does it work on vacation with the kids? What’s it look like when you’re at your accountant’s office doing your taxes together?
For inspiration, try watching a few episodes of The Addams Family. Morticia is the epitome of a loving Dom. And Gomez absolutely worships her. They never fight because they always, always put one another first.
Your D/s relationship can look any way you want it to, but if you really want to buck the status quo keep it real. If you’re head over heels for one another: paint with love’s brushes.
It’s up to you to decide what the reality of your 24/7 D/s relationship looks like.
In the meantime, here’s a true story that I hope will illuminate my point:
When I was young, I took a drama class. We spent our final semester working on improv.
The teacher, one sunny day, assigned us an acting drill: we were to pretend to make a bed as a member of the opposite sex.
I watched as person after person conducted themselves like a cartoon character. It was as though everyone had become possessed by Jim Carey.
Boys pretending to be girls danced and twirled and tee-hee’d like idiots, while the girls pretending to be boys stomped, spat, and scratched at their crotches. It was horrific to behold.
When my turn came, I walked over to the invisible bed and went about pantomiming the same motions I’d gone through earlier that day when I made my real bed at home.
The teacher stopped me before I could finish. Annoyed, she explained that I was supposed to be acting like a member of the opposite sex. I told her that I was, because I was sure girls and boys make the bed the same way.
Here’s what I’m hoping you’ll take away from that story: that teacher was an idiot. She gave me an F that day for refusing to participate.
I want you to get an F too. Because I want you to refuse to participate in whatever bullshit society thinks you should go through to “appear” to be in a “proper” D/s relationship.
Instead, I want you to realize that 24/7 D/s is cerebral. Most of what we do happens in your head and requires absolutely no performance whatsoever.
Key phrase: keeping it real
Are you able to discuss how you’re still a Dominant, submissive, etc. even when you’re conducting a business meeting, buying groceries, or helping your kids with their homework?
What if you traded roles sexually? If the/a submissive spent an evening topping the/a Dominant in your dynamic would you be able to keep your D/s perspective?
Discuss whether “keeping it real” means acting like you do when you’re alone together, in public together, or separate from one another. What needs to change in order for you to successfully transition to 24/7?
Attention is the currency of a D/s relationship. And, as you can imagine, a 24/7 D/s relationship requires a lot more of it than any other kind of (healthy) relationship.
Now is the time to start deciding whether you’re willing to sacrifice everything that’s taking up your time without serving any purpose in your relationship.
Write down a list of activities that require you or your partner(s) to give attention to someone other than the person(s) you’re in a D/s relationship with. These should include things like time you spend with friends, standing appointments, personal hobbies, and other activities you choose to engage in.
Do not include time spent at work, with your children and other close family members, at therapy and other medical appointments, or on education, hygiene, and self-care.
Discuss each item on your list with your partner(s) so that everyone understands how important these events are and how much time you’ll be giving to these outside influences.
Once you’re ready, we’ll move on to Part 3.
Tristan is a science and technology journalist who values life, humanity, and taco soup. He/him