Now, I have you with me, under my power
Our love grows stronger, now, with every hour
Look into my eyes, you’ll see who I am
My name is Lucifer, please take my hand
“N.I.B.” by Black Sabbath
Being in a 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship is a lot like being Batman. No, we don’t fight crime or train as ninja (at least not in our dynamic), and no, the police in our city don’t have a special signal to summon us when we’re needed. We’re also not billionaires.
Okay, being in a 24/7 D/s relationship isn’t very much like being Batman, but there are some similarities. For starters, there’s all the gadgets. Right?
But, more to my point: D/s relationships and super heroes are both novelties to most people.
This means that a D/s relationship and Batman both make perfect sense in their element. When you see Batman, wearing the Bat Suit, sitting at the Bat Desk in the Bat Cave eating his Batman cereal out of a Bat Bowl while searching for crime on a dozen giant Bat Computer monitors… everything adds up.
But, if you saw Batman in full cowl-and-cape regalia standing in line at a Jiffy Lube waiting to get the oil changed in his Honda Civic… it all falls apart. That shit makes no sense.
It can be a bit samey with a full-time D/s relationship. We don’t walk around in fetish gear writhing against one another like serpents in heat all the time, obviously. But, like Bruce Wayne in a suit and tie, we don’t stop being “Batman” just because we’re not wearing our leather.
We decide what’s appropriate for us based on careful consideration, research, and practice. But that doesn’t mean we have a “vanilla switch” that we turn on and off.
Instead of looking at it like being kinky or vanilla, we conduct ourselves in a way that respects whoever is around us. If our kids are present, for example, we don’t grope each other and make out.
This isn’t always perfectly intuitive. Everyone seems to have their own idea on what’s appropriate in public – and that’s before you even get into kinky people’s thoughts on the matter.
The bottom line is, if you’re wondering how 24/7 D/s relationships work outside of the the safety of your sanctuary, the answer is: just like every other relationship.
In our relationship we enjoy toying with the knowledge that we’re connected to one another by an invisible lead that nobody but us can see. Sometimes she’ll skip wearing panties to feel sexier, or even wear her Ben Wah balls.
We don’t get a thrill out of shocking bystanders – we’re drama-adverse people – but we do enjoy keeping the fire stoked while we’re out pretending to be normal people.
Just like everyone else, we buy groceries and put them away ourselves when we get home from the store. We just might have a bit more impact play and kinky sex directly afterward than your average people do.
Then again, in my fantasy, strangers in public are always smiling and polite, just like us. Because we’ve all got the same kind of dirty secrets and we can’t wait to get back to our respective homes and indulge in them.
Tristan is a science and technology journalist who values life, humanity, and taco soup. He/him