I’m doing the best that I can

CW: mentions of alchohol, mental health, ADHD, depression, RSD   I often feel like I’m losing time and it makes it hard to breathe. Watching my life pass me by, so many plans made and forgotten. Moving to a new country, not meeting new people, not exploring a new culture, just so much hiding. Some …

Go on…I’m doing the best that I can

Scientists think depression may affect your vision

  A team of researchers from universities in Finland recently published a study indicating that people undergoing depressive episodes may also experience reduced visual contrast suppression. In other words: maybe the world really does look gloomier when we’re feeling down. The researchers enlisted 140 participants split between a 29 person control group and a 111 …

Go on…Scientists think depression may affect your vision

Letters to my younger self – Walks

  You, Miss Nikki are a beautiful, adventurous soul. I was thinking about you today. Thinking about the walks we used to take in the woods, down that old dirt road, through town, early in the morning, alone and exploring old buildings and abandoned farms. You are such an explorer. I’m so sorry they make …

Go on…Letters to my younger self – Walks

Just fucking talk about it

We can all get pretty caught up in our heads. Problems with no obvious solutions become bigger, scarier problems and it begins to get so overwhelming you feel hopeless and defeated, and then you finally, with shaking hands and tears in your eyes, talk to someone about it. You give it a voice, let it …

Go on…Just fucking talk about it

I’m fucking trying.

content warning: mentions of depression, anxiety, self-esteem, alcohol, isolation     After two months of daily prompts I was trying to stick to, I needed a month with less rigidity. And on day three I keep catching myself in an anxiety loop of “okay, what am I behind on now?” and it’s not going away …

Go on…I’m fucking trying.

Radical Self Love

  Untitled Document.   It taunts me. That empty space, begging to be filled. To be created, to become something tangible and real. Knowing it would make me feel better to just purge something onto a page, anything, just exorcise some demons.    I think I am afraid of it. Afraid of what I will …

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I’m okay

c/w: anxiety, mental health. If you have anxiety, you can probably relate to the nonsensical mess that runs through your head when you are feeling it heavy. If you don’t, I try here to offer a little insight into the running dialogue in my head when mine gets the better of me.  Sitting at the …

Go on…I’m okay

What tf do you want?

If you’re unhappy, make a change. Sounds simple enough, right? Turns out a lot of us don’t actually want things to change. Dr David Burns explains in his book, Feeling Good Together, he tells his patients when asking for his help with their relationships, that they have three options: make a change, leave the relationship …

Go on…What tf do you want?

It’s okay to want to feel validated. Seriously.

I couldn’t tell you how many times I sat in my therapists office last year as she so easily and nonchalantly said “Of course, you just want your feelings validated.” Like this was common knowledge. I didn’t even understand it when she said it to me the first time. I’ve spent my entire life hearing …

Go on…It’s okay to want to feel validated. Seriously.

Hi. I’m Nikki and I minimize my trauma.

  I told my therapist I was planning to write about what it does to your brain to be cheated on for a decade. She agreed but suggested it not be specifically about  being cheated on, but rather about being exposed to trauma for a decade. I nodded my head in agreement, but in my head I …

Go on…Hi. I’m Nikki and I minimize my trauma.

5 reasons why you should start a mini water propagation garden today